i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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