He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need water and some morals
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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