Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
