Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
