I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
