I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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