Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm gonna fight the coyote
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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