I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
