Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
