addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
