I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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