Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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