I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
