whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
