If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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