she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
