So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
