so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
