Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
