ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
