ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
