help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sarcasm needs its own font
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
