Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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