We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
