The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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