Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
