And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
