My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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