she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
