His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize