So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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