Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
