Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
