I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize