can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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