Yo dont text me then not text me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
