I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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