I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
