no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
