I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
