so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
