I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
