You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
