It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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