God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
