How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
