I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
