we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
