my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
