At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
