I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
