I just saw a hot homeless man
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
