You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
