i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i need some magic done to my vagina
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
