Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
