I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Screwed.edu
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
