After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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