It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize