Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize