I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's always time for handjobs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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