If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
