How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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