Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
