i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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