Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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