well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
