Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
