i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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